Ahmed Al Mukhaini

In 1985, I first went to the U.K. to do my diploma. And after the diploma I did my degree. England was always depicted for us as Victorian England but also there was a lot of demonization of the West and the people, their ethics, their values. But when I went there, I was received very well by the family that I befriended, by people of the church, my neighbors. So, I started questioning the epistemological base that I was given. I explored Christianity, I explored Judaism, I explored Islam from a different perspective altogether. Then I realized that God is much greater than all these three; and He can’t be confined in one of these three. I decided then that Islam was perhaps the most appropriate faith, or course, to pursue. But I should, you know, exploit every opportunity to deal with the other manifestations of God; all the ways to God.

I had a lovely garden in the house I was in, in Darby. I was just looking after the house, doing the chores, and thinking. Then I went back to my room and I prayed. And I started thinking about the question, ‘To whom does God belong? Am I on the right track? Am I on the wrong track?’

And then I realized God is more merciful than just to think about Him in terms of Hell, in terms of Heaven. He is much greater than anything that we can think of. And I felt that there is a sense of peace, and also light, that came unto me. I can’t describe the moment, but it was a resurrection perhaps. It was a moment that I felt that God was listening to me. He had come unto me. He told me that, OK, you are on the right track. There is nowhere that can be confining to God. And He asked me to, to follow my heart, to follow beauty, to follow light. And I think that’s it really. I mean, that moment. I remember it was a murky evening in the U.K.—it was a bit rainy, but my room, I’ll always treasure that room—it, the room was filled with light, and I felt amidst it a sense of peace. You know, I felt that I was blessed. I was guided. I was filled with so much joy and happiness, I couldn’t actually hide. I could have almost danced. It was lovely. And from that moment onward I just was filled with the joy of God. Just the joy of God. It was wonderful. Very wonderful.

I am a muslim with a simple small ‘m.’ A muslim with a small ‘m,’ a lower case ‘m,’ means a person who submits his or her will to God. A Muslim with a capital M is the Muslim that we know that accepts the five pillars of Islam, accepts Muhammad as a prophet. I’m not denying that I do believe in the faith, the five pillars of Islam. I am a Muslim with a capital M. But I think my role in the world is better defined with a small ‘m.’ I’m a person who can understand others, hopefully, who submit their will to God. So perhaps I would like them to understand that I’m a person who submits his will to God; trusts God. Yeah. And in God we trust.