Pamela “Ela” Tuason

So after I returned to the Philippines, I decided to come here to do this formation for one year—to stop my work, to leave everything. It didn’t make any sense. Why did I have to leave my country? What did I have to leave? My life, my work, and everything? Practically all of my life I left in order to come to a country where I did not even speak the language. And to do what? To do formation; spiritual formation, to do community life. 

I left the Philippines and came here, and I studied language. I did the cleaning; housekeeping at the abbey. In the Philippines, I didn’t do that. Here, I do the housekeeping. I didn’t understand anything because I didn’t speak French when I came here. But deep inside of me, I was at peace. It was very difficult, but I knew that God called me to be in this place. I don’t know what His reasons are, but He always reminds me that He called me to be here to do the formation. After one month, I was able to speak French. And then, after four months of staying here, I did the retreat of 30 days in silence. So, it was there that I discerned God called for me to be a religious sister.

It’s kind of strange because, in my head when I became a religious sister, it meant that I should be very reserved—and that's not me. I am not at all reserved. And then, just like three years ago, He told me that He loves me for who I am. He calls me to be a religious sister for who I am, and not for what I can become. 

I also received the call to love, to love more. And then I asked Him, “But how can I love more when I am a religious sister?" 

He told me that He would show me. And all I did was to have faith. To believe that He called me. And even if I didn’t make sense out of it, it was His call. It’s His call and He is very faithful, even if I sometimes doubt my call. 

He catches me. He reminds me all the time.

When I made my election to become a religious sister, it was like I was liberated. It was like somebody inside of me had been liberated. And then it was in silence, so I could not shout, but I'm still so happy because of this liberation that I felt. Never had I felt such happiness before.

I’ve been liberated, but I have to obey also. If we look at it in a very intelligent way, it doesn’t work. If I am free, I don’t have to be bound by rules. If I am free I don’t have to obey anything. I don’t have to have rules. But the thing about faith, it’s like we don't really understand the thing that’s happening. We don’t give an explanation of what’s happening. But inside, in my heart, it’s that. It’s faith. And my call to love others? It’s loving. It’s not just romantic love. It’s not just love for the opposite sex, but it’s the bounty. It’s giving myself to others out of love.