Alan Ter

Who is worthy of a spiritual experience? Can someone who has killed someone still have a spiritual experience? Are we always worthy of a connection to the God of our understanding?

I was fortunate to ask these questions when I met Alan Ter, who grew up in the gangs in Singapore and who went to jail for manslaughter. After serving his sentence, he started having dreams that he did not understand. They involved the gods worshipped in Taoism. Alan began practicing Taoism and it changed his life. He participates in ceremonies by entering into a trance-like state where one of the gods enters his body and consciousness. Members of the community can then ask questions and seek guidance from the god he is channeling. Today, Alan feels he is useful to the community and he is actively trying to purify his soul.

Alan’s story reminded me I am in no position to judge another human being, even one who has killed someone. I love this excerpt from Hazelden’s Daily Meditation book, A Day at a Time: Daily Reflections for Recovering People:

“We all want to be rid of our most obvious and destructive flaws. No one wants to be so greedy that s/he’s labeled a thief. No one wants to be angry enough to kill, lustful enough to rape, gluttonous enough to become ill. No one wants to be agonized by envy or paralyzed by procrastination. Of course, few of us suffer these defects at such rock-bottom levels. Not that that’s reason to congratulate ourselves; chances are, pure self-interest enabled us to escape such extremes. Not much spiritual effort is involved in avoiding excesses which will bring severe punishment...May I give myself no back- pats for not committing murder or rape, beating up a rival, robbing a sweets shop or stealing from a down-and-outer. In all humility, may I understand that these are only more violent manifestations of human flaws I harbor in myself. May God give me the perseverance to change these from the inside, rather than just lessening the degree to which I act them out for the world to see.”

I am grateful to be reminded that I am no better than anyone else, even the criminal or ex-con, or any other human who is living their life the best they know how.