Brother G. Pau Valls, OSB

There came a time when I felt stuck. Because I realized that neither the job I was doing, nor the things I was defending had anything to do with what I had learned when I was a child, for what I fought for when I was young. I was a very engaged person politically and socially. And most of all—and what is more important—is that I was not happy, and, among other things, I was making those next to me unhappy. Today, when all names are changed, they’re called toxic people. I now consider myself a toxic person at that time. But it was hard to see in the day-to- day. Until, thank God, I started realizing it could not be a series of ordinary things, and some not so ordinary, that were all going in that toxic direction.

And that’s when I said, “I need a break, a parenthesis.” 

And somebody who knew me very well asked me, “Why don’t you go to Montserrat?” He could have asked, “Why don’t you go to Caldea, to a spa?” But he told me to go to Montserrat, because he knew that, even though I didn’t consider myself a believer, Montserrat continued to be representative as it is still for most Catalonians and Catalan society.

And that is what I did. I came here, and I thought to myself, “What can I do? I came here to do what I had to do, but here I have all day. What do I have to do?” I started doing what these freaks were doing. That’s what I called them then; now I am the freak. They do a series of things all day. I tried to follow that rhythm of life. And I found three things. Like with everything that is important in life, it always comes in threes. That is what Saint Ignatius said and it’s true.

First, the Bible on the nightstand of the residence. On the other nightstand, the Rule of Saint Benedict. And in the monastery, aside from the figures and all that, the monks. And this mix impressed me. 

I didn’t convert immediately. I will give you an example: We have all fallen in love at some point, materially, I mean. It’s the same thing. I fell in love, and my process of conversion was a process of falling in love. In my case, being heterosexual, you meet a girl, you don’t fall in love on the first day. But that presence is suitable to you; you like it, and you want to see her again another day. And if she accepts it, you see her again. And so, until there comes a day when you say, “I am really in love.” And when this happens, then comes real love which is when, even if you notice that her feet smell, you continue to love her. And that happens here as well.